The last six months have been one major event after another in our home. I started having high blood pressure in my last six weeks of pregnancy, so I had to slow down. Then we had our 11th baby three weeks early.
I was 42 years old when I had her, and I lost a lot of blood, so my recovery was slow, both because of my age, and the blood loss. So I had to take it easy for a solid 8 weeks before I started feeling like myself again!
I was only feeling like myself again for a few days out of the week though because I was having severe abdominal pain that I suspected was from an umbilical hernia that started during pregnancy.
It got to the point where I was in pain 4-5 days out of every week, and we couldn’t pinpoint any real triggers. I consulted with an abdominal surgeon…she didn’t believe that the pain was being caused by the hernia, and was reluctant to operate.
I have a dear friend who actually had a hernia repair surgery less than a year ago, and we compared notes and my pain sounded identical to her pain, so I was convinced.
My surgeon reluctantly agreed to operate 2 weeks after my oldest son’s wedding.
I was in pain for both the rehearsal dinner that we hosted and for my son’s wedding, but we made it through and it was a beautiful day!
I finally got to my surgery day, and I had convinced myself that this would be a very simple procedure and recovery, and I would be back to normal within 1-2 weeks.
Oh the lies we tell ourselves…
I was so shocked when I woke up from surgery in immense pain. I’ve never had abdominal surgery before, no c-sections, etc…and so I had never experienced anything like this before.
My first lucid thought was…what have I done???
My husband and oldest daughters took amazing care of me, but I needed help getting in and out of bed, getting in and out of a chair, and even just walking around caused “stabby pains” for the first two weeks, so I stuck pretty close to my room, taking a little walk around the hallway each time I got up to use the restroom.
After two weeks I came downstairs but was still feeling pretty rough, so I wasn’t able to do much. My children and husband had to really band together to take care of things.
By the 6 week post-op day, I was feeling about 90%, which was good because it was the day of my husband’s rotator cuff surgery…which was a big deal.
My husband is now three weeks into his recovery, he still has three weeks left in his sling, and then he will begin physical therapy and the slow road back to full use of his arm…it’s a 4-6 month recovery.
It’s been a LOT! Thankfully though, this is the last major event that we have on the schedule.
All this to say…we have been relying heavily on the family working together as a team to keep the household running.
I am so thankful that we have routines that are habits in this home, and I’m so thankful that all of our children are accustomed to doing chores and helping out. Otherwise, I’m not sure how we would have made it through the last six months with our sanity intact.
It’s so important to get some sort of a routine set up so that when tough times strike…
And they will…
Your family will be prepared to pull together, and come out stronger.
The Routine
You have probably heard me bang on about routines for years now. You may be sick of it at this point, but please hear me out!
If I had not put a flexible routine into place before all of the drama of the last six months…we would not have been able to weather the storms as well as we did.
The house would have turned into a disaster, meals would have been 100% convenience food, school would not have gotten done, my husband and I would be so stressed out, and all of the children would be stressed out too.
I’m not trying to say there haven’t been any stressful moments, but having a routine in place (a routine where EVERYONE knows what happens next and what their responsibilities are) reduces the unknown…and the unknown is a HUGE factor in stress and anxiety.
So let’s talk about what that routine looked like.
- Grocery shopping happened every Saturday. My 15 year old daughter already knows everything we get every week and she’s good at menu planning too, so she helped my husband make the menu, they divided the cooking (with the help of other children), and went shopping together.
- Everyone has their own chores that they have been doing for at least a year. So they know the expectation, they know when they are supposed to do their chores, and they know how to do them. This is the beauty of assigning chores and sticking to those assignments for at least a year (as taught in the Smart Kids Chore System).
- Two loads of laundry were done each day, and the children helped my husband fold.
- Every day had a predictable rhythm. I’m not trying to say that my children always did their chores without being told…but my husband did have a master list of chores and anchor times so he knew when to tell which children to do which chores.
The Result
A routine didn’t keep the home running perfectly…perfection is not attainable, especially during times when active recovery is taking place. However, there was very little stress caused by household blips and blunders.
And that is the goal.
When you have a good daily routine in place, and everyone knows and understands their role in the family and in the day, it provides a sense of purpose and security that cannot be found any other way.
When a solid routine is in place, if you find your family off of the routine for a few days or even a week, it doesn’t take a whole lot of effort to get back on track. Everyone is trained and has become specialized in their tasks.
This makes the work quicker, more efficient, and as close to painless as possible!
No one can predict the future. We have no way of knowing if a surgery, injury, etc. is ahead.
Having a solid routine in place that is familiar to everyone is the very best way to safeguard against unnecessary stress!
